Sometimes, its ok to just say 'I have no idea!' But this barely happens. When I'm asked a question that I don't know or haven't decided the answer to yet, I just feel obliged to fill the air with my random answers that I've just drawn from nowhere to express a view I probably don't have or an idea I never came up with me. The result is generally just me being ridiculously embarrassed.
I'm stupid. And I say stupid things, and I do stupid stuff that I know I shouldn't. I'm stupid. I realise this all the time. I often feel totally debilitated by my own foolishness, and that makes me feel worthless. Totally worthless, as though my entire worth hinges on how well I speak.
Now, that sounds stupid, but, frustratingly, my self-worth is often founded on other people's opinion's of me, and the majority of their opinion is based on how I speak, how I articulate my thoughts, and generally my thoughts don't come out in an eloquent stream but rather more like ... vomit into their brains. So, how well I speak kind of affects my self worth.
I'm foolish, I'm flawed and I'm generally too proud to admit that, but there's a verse that I love in Paul's 2nd recorded letter to the Corinthian church that shows that because I'm weak, and for some reason God shows mercy and grace (unmerited favour) to me, that God doesn't base his love on who performs the best, or presents their thoughts most articulately or whatever, but that it's just that. Grace! God, choosing me for no merit that I have, no 'great thing' I've achieved.
'But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.' - 2 Corinthians 12:9
