To Be Loved

There is a desire inside every person to be loved. To be truly loved. And we feel so let down when people don't love us properly, but lets face facts. People will always let us down, we know it. Marriages these days can barely be called 'lasting.' And those that are are riddled with thorns & hard bits.

While this blog post may seem dark, & for some people hard to read. I actually want it to be a ray of hope, let me explain; humans are always going to let us down, and its very sad ... so very sad. But there is a God, a God who throughout the bible shows us real love. Unrequited love for the Israelites throughout the Old Testament & completely sacrificial love as Jesus is nailed to a cross. There's a God out there waiting to show me love, real, strong, steadfast love. And I continually reject it by ignoring him, by giving him the smallest amount of time I can a day, instead of all of my time.

I'm such a fool.

God, thanks for your crazy love.

Living Below The Line

Today I started my week of hunger, my week of empathy. For those of you who don't know, I'm living below the extreme poverty line, which is a measly $2. I mean, in one sitting at a cafe most of us will spend 5 times that, and thats just a snack. This is what people are living with every day. Every single day of their lives, they live on less then $2 a day. And I'm just doing it for food and I'm starving, they have to use it for accommodation, travel (a lot travel to & from their extremely low-paying jobs), entertainment (if they get any.) 

It's horrifying to think that 1.4 billion people in the world live like that. Right now.

When I have time ...

In my life pre-God, whenever I had time I would fill it with reading (yea, I was the nerdy kid) which then progressed into singing, sitting at home practicing my soprano part. But now, well, I try to give God my every spare moment, but for some reason I just keep slipping up. I'll find myself with a different book (often facebook) in my hand or on the screen, the wrong tune in my head, and I'll realise that I'm not doing what I should be. Every spare moment should be spent with my God, because nothing is greater then knowing my Creator. There aren't enough words in my vocabulary to express my thanks to God. There aren't enough feelings in me to feel the sorrow I should for my screw-ups.

So, why? Why am I not overflowing with praise? Why are my conversations peppered with pride & seasoned with humour, instead of peppered with grace & seasoned with Jesus. I want to give Jesus every conversation that I have, but I don't. I want to give him every spare moment to just stop, and just talk or listen to him. But I don't. I just don't.

I want to give You my everything, but somethings holding me back.

God, change me. Please.

I'm afraid of dying.

Ok, for those of you who don't know. I recently past my L's test, but before (after failing the first time) I REALLY didn't want to walk through those doors, & do my test. As I took the ticket from the machine my hands were trembling. I didn't want to fail again. But, I did want to get my L's, but in that moment I could barely see a life post-test. But when I finally got my L's, I just couldn't contain my smile.


I view death in the same way, I can't wait to be dead. I can't wait until I get to spend an eternity with my loving  & incredible creator. But I can't bear the thought of dying, the pain, the tears I will envision glinting off my friend & families cheeks. I can't bear the thought, and it makes me so sad that I have to die. I often can't see through death to heaven.


As if I wouldn't be pumped for this: (yea, I know I've put it a couple of times, but in case you couldn't tell, the bible never gets old) 
‘"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelations 21:4

Beautiful Child/Run

I'm not quite sure what to call this yet, but I wrote it when I was quite upset about this. I'll tell you what its about at the end, because I want you to read it from your perspective, not one I've shoved down your throat.

Beautiful child,
In chains,
I can barely hear your strangled lullaby,
Your shackles scream louder then you.

The dreaded sun,
Will rise,
On another hopeless, burdened day,
You can barely endure.

I say,
Run,
Run to the freelands,
Away from tomorrow,
Away from the past. (x2)

When will it end?
Your chains,
When will I see your hands be freed,
To do as you wish as they would.

I say,
Run,
Run to the freelands,
Away from tomorrow,
Away from the past.

Oh,
I wish you could run,
Run,
Run to the freelands,
Away from tomorrow,
Away from the past,
Away from him.


This song was written about the terrible issue of slavery, currently there are 30 million slaves being treated as though they have no tomorrow. Which most of them don't, and its thoroughly depressing, and its hard for me, as a North Shore-ian who has the choice to do almost anything on a daily basis to empathise. But if you want more info (and I pray you do) http://www.thefreedomproject.org/

I believe its part of God's plan for my life to help eradicate slavery. I want to help re-abolish slavery.

Sometimes, its really hard to see why God would invent heartbreak. Create fear. Design tears. The thought often crosses my mind; if God is so loving, and kind. Why would he do that.

The talk tonight at my youth group covered this question, almost directly, the talk was packed full of goodness, but one of the tiny little tangents. And even though it wasn't the main point of Nicky's talk, it was something I definitely took it away.

All she said was: God keeps his promises. Which got me thinking about this promise, that I want you to think about in the context of God's promise keeping: ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelations 21:4


And then, I thought about the fact that I am thoroughly convicted that God has an indescribably perfect plan for my life. And sometimes it hard to see how God's plan works through the tears, but its there, and for real, I honestly just need to trust that its there. Even through the tears,




Thank you Nicky Baker. The inspiration for this post, and the 'trend setter' & spokesperson for that awkies sitch in 20-legs. Thank you Jesus. The motivation for everything I do.